My Various Old abandoned danfics, mostly too serious Feb 25, 2020 19:06:19 GMT -7
Post by Captain Jerk on Feb 25, 2020 19:06:19 GMT -7
This story has a great flow in my opinion. It slowly grows in intensity. From the initial start of the story to Dan not able to get Chris, Dan having to find Ted, the fight between Dan and Ted, learning that there is prostitution going on in the motel, to them learning about the motel's involvement with the mob, and the fight that is at the end of the story.
Ted is a believable character. He felt that Dan and Chris had wronged him. They were once close. He thought that they had got off scot-free from the crime they all three were a part of. He wants to start anew and have a family. I really like what was done with this character.
Roman is a character that is just struggling to keep up. He is being threatened by the mob, he has a gambling addiction and a smoking and opioid addiction. He isn't the villain in this story.
Ray is the villain of the story. He is a heartless bastard. You want to see him go down.
Trixie is a surprise of a character. She has connections to Dan. Dan is a customer of hers. She is one that doesn't go down without a fight.
This story starts out as a comedy and slowly grows darker. I feel like for this story it works out really well. I really did enjoy this story. It felt more focused than The Factory, which I did enjoy. This had a better flowing plot than Cooking, despite Cooking being my favorite one so far. You did a really good job on this.
-Rafe (RonZak) LaNore
Cooking, well probably my best comedic story, actually is the most poorly structured, even moreso then Dan Vs The Factory(ignoring tone, obviously. I mean from a purely flow and cause and effect perspective) Due to it being the oldest of the bunch.
Motel gets dark, but it does it, in my opinion, FAR better then The Factory did.
Currently, the plan is most future stories will fall somewhere between Dan Vs Cooking on the low end, and Dan Vs The Motel on the high end. Dan Vs The Mafia part 1 will probably follow a similar escalation path, while Dan Vs The Mafia 2 will trend darker, BUT will stay consistent in that darkness and will keep Dan as the beacon of life.
Factory levels will only be approached when Azinder battles Elise, which won't happen next until chapter 10 or 11.